Beauty and the Slob
by Sere Bing
Summary: Chandler Bing really likes his new, hot neighbour. If only he didn't look like crap every time he met her. Slightly AU, Mondler all the way!
1. Chapter 1

So huh…. Is anybody out there?

I've only been on a hiatus for something like… six years, I guess, but I have been recently rewatching Friends, and just the other day my friend Ariana gave me the idea for this AU!

The only major thing you need to know about this is that Ross and Chandler didn't go to college together, therefore Monica and Chandler do not have the whole 'history' behind them. I don't like clueing people in too much, hopefully the rest is pretty self-explanatory :)

* * *

I swear, I'm not a slob.

I'm by no means the most organized guy you'll ever meet, but I promise, I am not as disgusting as I am coming across lately. A lot. To the most beautiful woman I have ever known in real life.

I swear I barely ever used to just _spill_. Lately, however? Happens a lot.

And at the worst times.

Like right now.

I gotta hand it to her- she doesn't seem to be judging me, which makes her like, instantly cooler, but I doubt she would ever describe _me_ as being cool.

This is the third time I meet her, and every single time I do, either my clothes or my skin is covered in some kind of substance, and/or I just look like I stepped out of a meth lab. Right now? I'm wearing some really old sweats, and carrying an empty pizza box and three packs of doritos.

Of course, of all days, it turns out that _today_ Joey and I would realize we're out of trash bags. Of course.

Then again, it is 1 AM, so I guess I wasn't being totally unreasonable in thinking the hall would be empty, but apparently I was wrong.

I notice she's worried as she's staring at me, and I guess I'd find it cute if I weren't so busy feeling utterly humiliated.

'Are you okay?' she asks, and I can see the concern on her eyes is genuine.

I quickly dismiss it 'Umm, sure. I just didn't expect anyone to be in the hall right now, sorry. Just startled.'

She glances at her watch before agreeing 'Fair enough. It is pretty late.' I see her pause for a moment before she adds 'You got something on your cheek.'

I want to disappear as I try to reach for the napkins in my pocket and the pizza box falls out of my hands, followed by the doritos.I duck to retrieve everything as I can see her trying to hide her laughter behind her hands.

If embarrassment could kill, I guess you could bury me right at this moment.

She grabs a Kleenex from her purse, and starts rubbing my cheek as soon as I stand 'I think it's pizza sauce. Which makes sense' She says, glancing at the huge box I'm carrying.

I swear I was trying to go for a cool, laid-back laugh, but I'm pretty sure whatever noise came out of me sounded more like some kind of snort. Now I'm a slob _and_ weird.

Man, I miss just being a slob.

She waves goodnight at me before opening her door, and I head for the stair, cursing my luck.

This is the third time I meet her, and all three times, she's looked just as lovely as right now, and every single time I've managed to look like someone you warn your kid from.

The first time, I had blood all over my leg. And not even the fist fight _cool_ kind of blood someone could dig.

Simply enough, I'd been playing football with my roommate not far from the building, he tackled me a bit too hard, and I fell on my knees. My pants tore, and my skin did too.

And she was in the hall, struggling with her keys.

She'd just moved in a few days prior to that, and she was really sweet. She let me into her apartment, and offered her first aid kit (God knows, if I hadn't met her and had to treat it at home, I would have just poured some water on it and tried to fix a two inches tear with a band aid).

I took me a good twenty minutes to find out her name is not, in fact, 'Most Beautiful Woman I've Ever Known In Real Life' but Monica. It took me a lot less to realize she's not only beautiful, but also really sweet to 'The Guy Who Is Never Clean When She's Around'.

I hate that.

Second time I met her, though?

Even worse.

She looked amazing.

I think she was coming back from some sort of family function, since her brother was with her. She was very nicely dressed, a skirt and nice blouse, was wearing the kind of makeup the strictest relatives would not disapprove, and her hair looked as shiny and soft as hair possibly can.

And I was The Sweat Monster.

No, actually, that would've almost been too good.

I was The Sweat Monster In Stretchy Shorts.

Don't get me wrong, I am far from being, God forbid, a functioning adult who works out on a regular basis. But as I was feeling a little bad about gaining a few pounds, I decided to go for a jog. It didn't work out well, and I only ended up running for about a half hour, but it was definitely enough to make me sweat enough that my hair was sticky and my awful shorts were completely soaking wet.

She seemed kinda sad about something as she talked to her brother, and as I tried to not eavesdrop, I only gathered that their mother had said- or done something to her.

I don't know that I should take the fact that seeing me dressed like that seemed to immediately ease her mind and make her laugh as a good sign, but I suppose not. I'd rather have her laugh with me, than _at_ me.

As her brother left she was –again—really nice, asked me what way I go to run, as I blatantly lied to make it sound as if I had run for hours, making up a path that sounded a lot better than the real one (to be fair, pretty much everything beats ' I've just run for three blocks, then came back defeated by my poor lung capacity').

I have spent a total of about thirty minutes with Monica since two weeks ago, when she first moved here, and she's already known me as 'Bloody Guy', 'Sweat Monster' and now also as 'The Guy Who Carries Trash Without a Bag While His Face Is Dirty' (A new low, if you ask me.)

But now? I need to fix this.

She will no longer know me as any of that. From tomorrow, I'm going to make sure Monica knows Chandler Bing can also be the Coolest, Funniest Guy in the World.

For now, I'll be glad to settle for 'Sometimes Can Actually Manage to Look Clean'

* * *

Alright, since I have been missing for… again, six years, any kind of feedback on this would be awesome, honestly. This is a sort of… Prologue? This won't be the longest fic ever, I'm thinking four or five chapters tops? Though I'd really like to know if anyone is even _interested_ in four chapters, I guess.

There are a few references to actual things that happen on the show (One is a 'scene' the other two are jokes) You get ten points for each one you find ;D


	2. Chapter 2

I don't have a plan.

I've been staring at my wardrobe for what seems like an eternity, just to realize, I have no idea what I'm doing.

I just figured out I need to pick up clothes that are nice enough that I don't end up looking like human waste, but that I can't exactly walk around the building in a three piece either. I also figured out I'm going to need something casual enough that it doesn't seem like I've spent the entire morning deciding what to wear to impress a girl.

Oh, the irony.

The more I look at my clothes, though, the more I realize I have no idea what to do after that. I'm almost beginning to think hanging out all day on the stairs or in the hall, just hoping Monica shows up at some point ,is a little _too_ desperate, even for me.

Almost.

The thing is- I have no idea what she _does._ She's just told me vague bits about herself in the very little time we spent together.

I know she's Jewish, and I know she grew up in Long Island.

On our first meeting –when my bloody knee was involved- all I managed to find out was just that. She told me she did enjoy playing football with her brother as a kid, and that they were both so competitive they had an actual Tournament, with a real cup and everything.

And on our second meeting, when I was covered in sweat, all I found out was that she had some weigh issues as a kid, which is why she said she'd "really love" to try out the running path I had made up on the spot.

This is something I really like about this girl. I've only met her three times, and she disclosed these little bits of information that are so _personal._ Hell, I don't know her last name but I do know she once swam in the lake by her childhood house to retrieve the trophy she had won, and that she lost all her weight during her senior high school year.

None of this is going to be useful today though. I have no idea what she does for a living, or where she goes in her spare time. I have no idea where her brother lives, or even if she ever visits him.

I've always met her at odd times too, (midday, middle of the afternoon, late at night) so I can't exactly figure out what time she works, or what days she has off. I'm honestly just hoping she shows up at some point, which should be fairly easy, considering she _lives_ here.

I pick up my favorite shirt I wear all the time –if nothing else it should make me feel comfortable in my own skin- and some jeans, deciding against anything more sophisticated than that. Just because I'm definitely a loser who's trying too hard, doesn't mean I should _dress_ like a loser who is trying too hard.

I head for the stairway and decide to go downstairs to check if there's some mail. And if there isn't, I'll just wing it from there.

* * *

I didn't think this through.

Monica's nowhere around –and frankly, why would she be- and I'm here, stuck talking with Mr. Treeger, who is ranting about how some guys from the fifth floor keep clogging the garbage chute.

You can only imagine how much the conversation- or better yet, monologue- has been thrilling me. A whole half hour, and I'm not even sure I know who he's talking about. This guy seems well meaning for the most part, but he obviously took the fact I spent a lot more than I usually do checking my mail as an invitation to talk to me.

It wasn't.

I honestly have nothing better to do anyway and it _is_ my day off, which means I'm not exactly wasting my time anyway, but I do wish I had thought about this beforehand- what was I even thinking?

Here I am, in an outfit it took me more than I'd like to admit choosing, and the thing is, I have no idea _why._ I don't actually know why I dressed up –if you can even call it that- since I have no idea where Monica is. For all I know she might have left this morning to spend three months in Europe, or in Yemen.

Or worse. She might have left to spend three months in Yemen _and_ have a boyfriend. Maybe she's with her boyfriend _right now_ , _in Yemen_ and I'm here, hoping she comes in… and then what? Is she supposed to care that my clothes are clean?

It's ridiculous.

I dismiss Treeger with an excuse, and decide I better put my free time to good use. I run up the stairs, entering my apartment just to grab my wallet. I'm sure I'll meet her again eventually if I try to hang out in my building more- again, assuming she hasn't left with some tall, nice smelling and perfect looking guy for an unprompted vacation in a middle eastern country- but I'm not wasting my whole day waiting for Godot.

* * *

I cannot say I was unproductive today.

I have gone grocery shopping, I've done laundry, I paid my bills, and reorganized my chest of drawers, all in just a few hours. It's only past five, and I've already finished all the chores I'd been procrastinating for weeks.

Now that I'm done, I'm finally picking up some coffee to go, so I can go upstairs to see if Joey came back from his audition and feels like doing something tonight.

The cold wind hits my face the minute I make my way out of the coffeehouse and I can hear a really loud voice calling my name.

"Chandler!"

I turn around with the elegance and grace of a wooly mammoth, and as soon as I feel my _very hot_ coffee spill in front of my shirt, I know who's been calling me. I've literally spent what felt like forever with Treeger this morning, I've been hanging out in this street pretty much the whole day, but she obviously chose the moment I'm handling liquid to come back.

If this is some kind of karma bullshit, I wonder what I've done to deserve it.

"Did I startle you again?" she asks, and I feel like lying would be totally useless. I got coffee on me, man.

"Yeah, I didn't expect to see you here" I tell her, trying my best to zip up my jacket. Of course, I _am_ still holding a cup, even if half empty, which makes it that much harder.

"Me neither! I'm sorry about the coffee though" she offers sincerely, and I'm just glad she doesn't seem to be making fun of my inability to be clean around her. Not that I'd blame her, really.

"It's fine! I can always buy more. We're right outside a coffeehouse!"

She smiles at me as she seems to be considering something. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Not really" I reply, though I have no idea what she's getting at "Why?"

"Well, I made you spill your coffee, I have had no time for lunch at work, and we _are_ right outside a coffeehouse,and one I know for a fact sells the best banana nut muffins." She states simply, and I can't believe my own ears.

"Uhm… I'm kind of…" I trail off, gesturing to my shirt.

She shrugs it off "I don't really mind, if you don't. It's my fault you got dirty anyway"

Honestly, I'm so dumbfounded right now, I honestly cannot believe I got that right. It must be taking me a long time to answer, because I see her pout, before she adds "Unless you'd rather not! It's just- you're the only familiar face in the building…"

"No- No!" I interrupt her, coming across way more rude than I intended. This may be the first time _I_ startle _her ._ I take a deep breath before continuing "I'd love to."

* * *

"You really went to NYU?" Seems like this time it's my turn to disclose tidbits of personal information. We've only been sitting on this couch for ten minutes, and I've already told her I went to an all-male boarding school as a teen, and what my degree is. It's just how it seems to work with us. Even the obvious stain on my shirt isn't bothering me, though I do wish I'd just this once managed to keep myself clean, or had the chance to change into something else. But hey, she's the one who didn't mind being seen in public with Spills Coffee On Himself.

"Why is that weird?"

"My brother studied at NYU!"

"Oh… Ross, right?" I ask, and she smiles as she nods, probably pleased that I remember something she told me.

"Yes! Ross Geller!"

I think I might have heard that name sometime during my college years, and now that I think about it, he _did_ look sort of familiar the one time I met him in the hall, but I can't exactly say that I know him. At best, we might have been in the same classroom a couple of times "I don't think we were in the same dorm."

"I guess that's fair. NYU is pretty big." She concedes, sipping coffee "You know what? I probably _should_ be calling my brother. I've promised to call him when I got back from work. Something about 'New York city being really dangerous'" She rolls her eyes, but I can't really blame this dude. If I had a younger sister living in the City, I'd probably do the same thing.

Not that she looks like she needs protecting, really. I actually feel like there's not much in this world that would scare this girl, but still.

"Oh, sure" I say, as I point to the phone in the back of the coffeehouse.

If nothing else, she hasn't mentioned having to catch a plane anytime soon to leave for a foreign country, and since she said she was at work, I guess I can safely assume she wasn't with her boyfriend, if she even has one. And with how beautiful she is, I realize, that is very much a possibility. Come on- who wouldn't want her?

I also realize I'm crazy.

This girl just wanted to grab some coffee with me, and here I am, hanging on her every word to figure out whether she has a boyfriend or not, as if her not being involved with anyone would automatically mean she's interested in who, at this point, she has yet to see _clean,_ or at least, not covered in some sort of fluid, or you know… carrying junk _._

I promise I'm not like this with all the girls I meet, but this is still ridiculous.

And I can't help it.

I guess you can't really _help_ this kind of thing. You don't just decide to stop feeling a certain way about someone. Along the way, hopefully, you get over it, but you don't really get to choose who you crush on, or how long it takes for it to stop.

I see her come back, and she sits down on the couch next to me, folding her legs in front of her "I just talked to my sister in law on the phone. Apparently, Ross was busy, so I asked her to tell him I called, and that I was ok" She mentions casually. "I'm sorry about your shirt, by the way."

"What?"

"The coffee stain. I don't think that's gonna come off easily, and it's a pretty nice shirt."

I smile despite myself. I had almost forgotten she was the one to stain my shirt to begin with, and it's really hard not to appreciate a compliment on something I chose specifically for her, whether she means it or is just trying to be polite .

"It's fine. It's just an old shirt."

* * *

Well, that was unexpected! I honestly want to thank all of the people who reviewed the first chapter, I did not see that coming at all! And I sure didn't expect you all to be this supportive!

I gotta say that was really motivating, I really want to thank all of you for it! And I just hope you like the rest of the story just as much as you liked its beginning ;D


	3. Chapter 3

I loathe my job.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate that it allows me to pay for rent and bills, and I kind of like the illusion of being a productive member of society, but other than that?

I absolutely hate it.

I've been sitting here for hours listening to this jerk talk about how unhappy he is because of the numbers and lines going down, and all I can think about is that I honestly do not care about any of it. At all.

All I care about right now is that my eyes are tired from reading all these stupid papers, my muscles are sore from sitting still for so long, and I wish I could just go home. I have to 'accidentally' meet someone, man.

Besides, I think I have it figured out. This might actually work.

I work a very standard –and very boring- 8 AM-5 PM shift, and I met Monica yesterday sometime around 5:30, which means her shift may not be that different from mine after all.

And my office is pretty close to the building I live in, too.

And that means that if I manage to get home sooner than she does, and I hang out in the hallway, say, pretending to check my mail (or to have a life, since we're at it) I would supposedly not have to wait for too long before she gets there.

That is, of course, unless she has plans and doesn't come by to change, or eat. And with my luck? I won't be surprised if that happens.

Hell, if I'm counting on my luck, I might just as well expect her to be three hours late, walk in with some Perfectly Proper Guy she's been dating all along ( I'll call him Dick for short), announce she's expecting his child, and ask me if I want to officiate their wedding, all while I'm covered in… mucus or something.

I better not rely too much on my luck.

I kind of wish I had the nerve to actually ask her stuff instead of just waiting around for her to tell me, but I also don't want to be the guy who thinks he stands a chance even though he's always covered in some kind of fluid, or the guy who seems just a little _too_ interested after only meeting her four times, for a total of about 45 minutes. Not that I've been counting.

I just really enjoy spending time with her. She's very sweet and nurturing, and has a really fun side too. She comes off as very strong-willed, which I appreciate, since it's a quality I can't say I possess in the slightest.

Even if nothing ever ends up happening with us, I think even as friends, we'd get along pretty well.

I exit the office as soon as I can, impatient to leave this hellhole behind for the weekend, and I am so worried about something going _so very wrong_ that I am very surprised when I get inside the building relatively early, in one piece, and -most importantly- clean.

I head home to drop my suitcase and the first thing I notice is a note from Joey telling me he has a date tonight, though considering that he is Joey, and that it's Friday, I kind of assumed that was a given. I have no idea whether he's planning to come back home to change before that, and quite frankly, I don't care, so I dismiss the information.

After changing into something more comfortable- because honestly, my clothes are clean but I've been wearing them all day, and I can't say I care for ties anyway- I pick up just a few dollars from my wallet, shoving them down my jacket's front pocket and head downstairs, to finally check my mail.

Except my mailbox is totally empty.

This shouldn't be surprising, considering I just checked yesterday, and neither me nor Joey ever write to anyone. Our mail usually consists of a few bills, flyers, and very seldom a couple of letters from Italy.

Coming to terms with the fact that my plan has failed, I decide against standing here, and realize I'll probably look like less of an idiot if I go to the coffeehouse. Lots of people go there by themselves, which means I won't stand out as much as I would here, and while I don't have a reason to trust myself around coffee, I can just get something to eat, and not mope around for a change.

* * *

Nothing.

It's 8: 45 pm and I'm doing a fun game of 'Where's Monica?' by the window while eating my muffin, all while trying to talk myself into believing I am not losing my mind.

I gotta say though, my own, undignified version of it? Significantly harder than finding someone in a striped shirt in a kid's book, for sure. I realize I'm either really bad at it, which is possible, or she hasn't come home yet, which is also not that unlikely.

Before my mind starts coming up with some other, terrible scenario of her and a possible Dick there might be in her life, I pay for my food and head upstairs. I might be desperate, but I'm not going to just sit around hoping she comes by. Worse comes to worse, I might still meet her tomorrow.

I try to open the door to my apartment so I can grab some stuff before I leave for the night, and immediately notice that it is not opening. I reach down my jeans pocket for my keys, just to realize they're not in it.

Because they're in the briefcase I left inside.

I bang on the door, but to no avail. Joey must have come by and left while I was at Central Perk, and I was so busy trying to spot Monica that I have not seen him at all.

I can't even call Mr. Treeger because his shift is over, and most importantly, I don't have his number. Or a phone, for that matter.

Not that I had any plans, but I can't do anything on a Friday night, which just makes me feel like even more of a loser, and that is really saying something. I spent my whole evening waiting for some girl who didn't come, and I can't go out because my wallet and keys are inside my apartment.

I try banging on Monica's door, hoping I just really sucked at that little game and she' s actually home, but as expected, I am met with nothing but silence.

For all I know, she did exactly what Joey did and is now outside either with Dick, or on a date, or, if I'm lucky (and I'm usually not ) out with some friends.

And I'm stuck here all night, waiting for Joey to come back.

* * *

"Hey! Chandler?" It's barely more than a whisper, but the combination of a voice calling my name, the feeling of a tissue rubbing my face, and a hand slowly shaking my shoulder suddenly makes me open my eyes. The funny thing is, I didn't even realize I had drifted off until I woke up.

As soon as I come to my senses I see Monica, who is squatting in front of me, and I realize she's wiping my cheek. She smiles at me and asks "What are you doing here?"

"Keys… forgot… roommate" she looks at me quizzically and I stop. I think I need to form actual sentences in order for her to understand what I'm saying "I forgot my keys inside, and my roommate locked the door before leaving for his date. What's the tissue about?"

She looks like she's suppressing a laugh before answering "You had drool on your cheek and chin."

Of freaking course I did. There's no way I could be entirely clean and dry, at least this one time "Oh. Thanks."

I think I'd find my misfortune a lot funnier if she didn't always look this good. To be fair she's not exactly dressed up, and she does seem pretty tired, but she looks just as beautiful and perfect as ever. If I didn't like her this much, it would probably be irritating to say the least.

She stands, and extends a hand for me to grab it. As she helps me up, I am shocked by how freakishly strong this tiny girl is.

"Do you want to sleep on my couch?"

I'm pretty sure I must be gaping at her in surprise, but instead of backing down she just looks at me expectantly . It takes me a bit to get my words out "Are you sure? I might be a serial killer." I joke, but make my way inside as soon as she opens the door to her apartment. I honestly don't feel like sleeping in the hall.

"Eh! No offense, but I think I could take you" she laughs, following me. Before any awkward silence might ensue, she asks "Had any fun tonight?"

I am tempted to just make up something to not seem desperate, mostly because I feel like I have humiliated myself in front of her enough, but what's the use really? I'm in clothes that are by no means what I'd wear for a date, or a night out for that matter, so that would just make me seem both desperate and a liar. Not that being _just_ desperate is any consolation, but still.

"Not really. Had a long day at work, hung out a bit downstairs, came home to a locked door. You?"

"No fun for me today. I had brunch with my mom, and I was on the dinner shift at work, which is why I just got here"

Wait a second… Dinner shift? "What do you do exactly?"

"I'm a chef." She says, and the corner of her lips turn up again "The shifts are awful, and the food service doesn't pay that much, but I love it. It's what I always wanted to be."

I can tell by the way her eyes are brimming with happiness that she really loves her job, which is amazing. She's younger than me, and she's already doing what she loves.

She fluffs the pillows on the couch before walking to the chest of drawers under the TV and grabbing some blankets, then settles down on the couch and pats the cushion next to her as a hint. I sit next to her, and adjust so that we're sitting in front of each other, our legs crossing.

"It's really your dream job, isn't it?"

"It is! I used to have at least five or six easy bake ovens as a kid, I loved playing restaurant! When I finished high school I had no doubt that I was going to choose culinary school over college." She tells me, and I can't help but smile, which doesn't happen a lot to me, except around her. I guess when your own job isn't rewarding at all, knowing that some people can make a living out of something they love is really comforting.

"What do you do?" She adds, and I feel sorry for how much I'm going to disappoint her. If only we could all be as passionate about our jobs as she is.

"Statistical analysis and data reconfiguration"

"That sounds…"

"Boring? Yeah, it is." I state simply "It started as a temp job, but I never really try to quit. It pays pretty well though, and I wouldn't know what other career to pursue anyway."

I kind of expected her to start pitying me, but by looking at her, it doesn't look like she is. "Well, you're like, what, twenty-five?"

"Twenty-four actually."

"Well, you're still really young, and it's okay if you don't know exactly what you wanna do yet. And if nothing else, while you figure it out, you don't have to worry about financial security." She elaborates, and I'm not sure she realizes just how she managed to make me feel a lot better about myself.

"I had never thought of it that way."

"Well, I mean, you don't need to have a dream planned out. Eventually you'll find something that makes you happy, but in the meanwhile? You're twenty four, and you already have a good, stable job. That's not too bad at all."

"Really?"

She smiles at me as she grabs on of the blankets and drapes it across our legs "Of course."

She eases a bit in the couch so that she's almost lying on it as she grabs the remote control, but she tenses back after just a few seconds "You don't mind, do you?" She asks me, and I can't really answer, because I don't think I understand what she means "I know you came here to sleep, but I'm not really that tired, is it okay if we watch some TV first?"

I cannot believe she's asking me permission to watch TV in her own apartment. I'd be sleeping in front of my door if it weren't for her, and she's worried I might get mad at her for not letting me sleep. I nod reassuringly in her direction.

"Of course it's okay" I tell her, and she sinks into the couch once more, resting her head on the armrest, and I can feel her feet reaching my inner thighs. I follow her example and try to find a more comfortable position, but I stop as soon as I realize that if I don't, I'm going to end up making a fool out of myself again. I settle for just sitting still while she tries finding a show she likes, and pretend I can't feel her hand rubbing my knees.

Being locked out of my own apartment is definitely not the worst thing to ever happen to me.

* * *

You guys… thank you. When I first started writing this I honestly didn't expect to get this much feedback (If I'm being honest, I didn't think I'd get _any_ feedback) so I just gotta say I love how supportive you all are being about this. Honestly, this is all I have to say, you guys are adorable and I love you all

To the person who asked aout whether the other characters will be in this… I only know what role Joey is going to play, but I don't have anything planned for the other three ;)

Again, thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing this!


	4. Chapter 4

I hate my life.

I don't just mean it in a self-deprecating 'my life sucks' way, I mean, I have the worst luck. Think of the unluckiest guy you know and then, multiply that unluckiness by ten thousand.

I just arrived home from the park, my t-shirt is covered in mud some kids were throwing, and Monica is in my apartment.

That's not even what the problem is.

The real problem is- she's not alone.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Joey to pieces. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a family, and I definitely love him enough to be happy about his luck with women instead of being jealous of it, but right now? Kinda hard not to hate his guts.

I'm not even mad about the fact that I'm dirty once again, because honestly? If given the option, I'd definitely take embarrassing myself in front of her every single day for the rest of my life, over her going out with my best friend.

It doesn't help that I can't really tell what she's thinking right now. She's just staring at me and I guess she looks a bit sad, which I hate, because it's honestly the first time it happens and I'm trying to force myself to believe it's not because I interrupted her conversation with Joey.

I'm not going to say I'm proud I interrupted whatever was going on, but I really kind of am.

"Hey!" She tells me, trying to break the awkward silence that fell into the room the moment I walked in.

"Hi, Mon. What are you doing here?" I ask, and I'm afraid to sound rude, but frankly, I think I just did. Great.

She flinches a bit, which just makes me hate myself more "I was just hanging out with your roommate. I'd come over to borrow some juice, but apparently you guys don't have much except frozen lasagnas and beer."

"Yeah, we don't really have much else. The upside is I'm pretty sure we could manage to live on just beer with the amount we buy" I joke, trying to lighten up the mood. No matter how crappy I feel, she doesn't deserve to feel guilty about it.

"Yeah, like I'd ever give up the lasagnas" Joey interjects.

I roll my eyes and see that Monica is still staring at me, which just makes me really uncomfortable considering she's as pretty as always, and I'm once again coming across as a complete slob, who this time probably interrupted something.

"I- I think I should go home to call my brother" She finally says "I promised I'd call once I got home."

As she leaves the room, I am surprised to find I'm relieved, which is a first. No matter what, I've always enjoyed being in her company, no matter how inadequate I might have felt.

"She's a nice girl, isn't she?"

I shrug, trying not to give myself away. I still have some dignity left. I guess "She really is."

"Yeah, she came over to borrow some juice, but we got to talking, and you know what? She's really cool! I hope she sticks around, we barely know anyone in the building."

"Me too." I say sincerely, and I'd feel relieved he hasn't mentioned they have a date, but this _is_ Joey so you never really know.

Honestly though, what sucks the most is that after last night? I almost thought I might actually stand a chance. We stayed up all night watching cheesy movies and sharing tidbits of our lives, she was absolutely adorable and I was… less awkward than usual, if nothing else. I'm not saying I felt a spark, except… you know what? I totally did. I just hoped she'd felt it too, but she obviously did not.

"She told me you've met her a few times?"

"Yeah… I was at her place last night, while you were gone."

His eyes widen in almost comical way "NICE!" he says, giving me a thumbs up.

I shake my head at him "I was just waiting for you to come back because I left my keys inside."

He suddenly looks dejected, and honestly, no matter what, I could never hate this guy. I mean, he's actually upset I didn't have sex last night. He's the best. "So, nothing happened?"

I'm tempted to make up something , just to guilt him into never asking her out, but I don't think that would be fair. He's loyal enough that I know he would never betray me, but if it turns out that Monica does like him, which she probably does, that wouldn't be fair to her. Just because it's not me, doesn't mean she can't have a boyfriend. "We talked for a bit, hung out, watched some TV"

"Oh. I think we should hang out with her more often. She doesn't seem to know many people around here either."

I nod, certainly not opposed to the idea of spending more time with her. "That's a good idea."

"Sure! I mean, she's really pretty and she seems pretty nice! Oh, and she can cook! And kicks ass at foosball!"

Great, he's all over her already. Just what I needed "She is pretty amazing, isn't she?"

He grins at me, and if some Gods exists then they must know I don't deserve this "You think so too?"

"Sure I do." If only you knew, Joe. If only you knew.

* * *

Joey only just left for the night with some date (and I'm very happy to report that it was, in fact, not Monica) and I just took a shower, which means that I can either stay home and watch TV like a loser, or I can actually go out and enjoy myself, though that _would_ get in the way of my 'feeling like a loser' time.

The fact alone that I'm actually weighing the options should tell you something.

I hear a knock on the door, a sure signal that Joey forgot something here, so I put on the first pair of pants I can find and go open the door.

But it's not Joey.

Monica's in front of me, and as if just the sight of her wasn't unsettling enough, she's looking at me and giggling. I look at her questioningly, until I realize I'm wearing my pajama pants. With cowboys on them.

I almost wish I could just be dirty again.

"Nice PJs." She says, and to be honest it's hard not to laugh along with her. The situation is kind of ridiculous.

"I'm sorry. I was taking a shower, so I just grabbed the first thing I found."

She smiles at me and I'm suddenly very much aware that not only am I wearing cowboy pants- I'm also shirtless. It just never ends, does it? I cross my arms in front of my chest, trying not to look as humiliated as I feel.

"Mon, what are you doing here?" I ask, hoping sincerely that I'm not just sounding rude again. She seems to take no offense.

"Joey's not around, is he?"

Oh. Well, I should have seen that one coming. Doesn't help the pain I feel in my chest, though. "Joey left about five minutes ago."

"He did?"

I just nod, trying not to make my disappointment too obvious. "You only barely missed him. I can tell him you were looking for him in the morning, though."

She shakes her head abruptly "No, that's not why I'm here!"

"What do you mean?"

I think I took her by surprise this time, because she starts looking at her feet and steps a little backwards. I lower my head trying to make eye contact, but she seems fixated on staring at her own hands right now. "Monica?"

Upon hearing her own name she looks in my eyes again, and it's weird to see someone who is usually very bold seem almost intimidated. I'm guessing me figuring out her thing for Joey embarrassed her, and I sure can sympathize with that. Crushes are hard, man. I would know.

"I mean, I'm not here for Joey."

"Of course you're not" I roll my eyes at her and she looks at me like I'm insane. Oddly enough, this is the first time it happens.

"Why's that so hard to believe?" She asks, immediately leaving her embarrassment behind.

"Eh… that's kinda Joey's thing. Women like him."

"Yeah, I can see why."

Honestly, this is just torture. She probably has no idea how much I would just like to just stop this conversation, before she actually tries to tell me all the reasons women might like Joey. All the reasons why _she_ might like Joey.

"So, do you want me to take a message or…?"

She raises her eyebrows, and honestly, I feel like this is the worst moment inmy entire life. Even being the sweat monster wasn't this bad.

"I'm not here for Joey" She repeats.

"Alright. Did you… need anything, then?"

She looks at me dejectedly, and she seems so sad, I almost want to kick myself in the face, but she's not exactly making this easy on me. She's the one who knocked on my door, but she doesn't seem to want to tell me what she wants.

"Do… do you have some milk?"

I walk to the fridge to look inside, though I already know, and she probably does too, that there is no milk. As always, all we have to drink is beer.

Exactly like two hours ago.

"I'm sorry, Mon, but no. Just beer."

She smiles, and I'm starting to think I'm not the only weird one in this room. "That's ok."

We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, until she adds "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Sure. My cowboy pants are actually my go-to outfit for when I'm going to the movies."

She rolls her eyes at me but she's smiling "Do you feel like hanging out at my place?" She asks, as if I'm ever going to say no to that.

* * *

We're sitting at her table munching on food, and I gotta say, I'm really enjoying this. She ordered pizza and I brought a few beers, so this is as casual as it gets. She also dared me not to change my pants with some decent ones, but she did let me wear a t-shirt, so at least I'm not a _shirtless_ idiot with cowboy pants.

It's a small victory, but I'll take it.

"Do you want to watch TV again?"

"I dunno. What's on TV tonight?"

"Crap" She answers, checking the TV guide "There's nothing on that I think we might like."

I stand next to her, reading from behind her shoulder "What are you talking about? There's Baywatch!"

"You like that?"

"Of course I do! Joey and I watch it all the time!"

She lets out a laugh, then nods "Sure, we can watch that if you want."

"Yeah, but do you want to watch it?"

"Eh, it's not like I loved any other option either."

We both sit on the couch, before I realize something is missing. "Mon?"

"What?"

"Did I really only bring two beers?" I ask, as I see there's nothing on the table, even though we only had a beer each.

She shakes her head "I put the other two in the freezer so they wouldn't get too warm."

I nod at her, then get up and start walking to her fridge. As soon as I grab the beers, however, I can't help but notice something "Hey, Mon?"

"Yeah?"

"How come there's two bottles of milk in your fridge?"

She looks over at me questioningly "I just… drink a lot of milk?"

"No… I mean, why did you come to my place to ask for milk, when you have two full bottles?"

She seems to be at a loss for words, as am I. She _was_ looking for Joey then.

"I… probably forgot I had them" She replies, and I swear that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Including the ones I make up, and that's saying something.

I decide against inquiring further, because she _did_ invite me to her home and I _do_ enjoy spending time with her, so I really don't want to make her uncomfortable or ruin whatever friendship we might have going on right now.

I go back to the couch and she looks at me with those wide blue eyes, and I kind of wish I could just tell her I feel sick –which wouldn't even be a lie – but she looks so sorrowful that I chase away the thought. It's not her fault I feel this way about her, and it sure isn't her fault that she doesn't feel the same way about me.

Did I already mention I hate my life?

* * *

I can already picture you all. 'Serena what are you doing? This is a Mondler story! We feel cheated!'

I'm probably supposed to say I'm sorry, except I'm really not, because I promise, this _is_ absolutely, 100% a Mondler story and it will get there! But what's a story without some conflict? ;)

A lot will be explained in the next chapter (which, by the way, is already planned out and might end up being the last one!) but if you have some theories about where this is going, I would love to hear them!

I love the reviews this story is getting, and I'm going to ask you to keep it up! Reading them is what really motivates me to keep writing, and I love to read your input about things. You can just tell me whether you like the story or not, or tell me what you think might happen next, or comment on how much of an asshole I am for teasing you this way, but do tell me what you think about it ;D


	5. Chapter 5

You know what's worse than your roommate liking the same girl as you?

Him being unable to shut up about it.

I've been awake for an hour and I swear, Joey hasn't told me _one_ thing that's not about Monica. Not one. I kept track.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the topic at all, and I do agree with everything that he's saying, but he's basically reminding me that he has a better shot at asking her out than I probably ever will.

Not that I _needed_ a reminder.

Though I gotta hand it to him, he's not making any lewd comments or inappropriate suggestions, which makes the conversation just a little bit less awkward. At least I don't have that kind of mental imagestuck in my head.

He's also not being as cocky as he usually (rightfully) is about his luck with women, which I appreciate.

"Can you believe that girl is actually single?" he asks, and I have to control myself not to laugh at the irony. I've asked myself that very same question so many times.

I would just love to just change the topic and talk about literally anything else, but I think trying would be no use, so I just shake my head "I really don't."

"I mean, she's cute, and sweet, and she seems pretty smart. How does she not have a boyfriend?"

I try coming up with something, but it seems like I can't, which isn't surprising. She does have her flaws, but then, who doesn't? Who cares if she's a little too much of a perfectionist, or if sometime she lets her competitive side get the best of her? The pros definitely win. She's smart, will-driven, and ambitious. She has a nurturing and caring side, and she's a lot of fun to be around.

I got it bad, man.

"I don't know why she doesn't have a boyfriend, Joe. She should have a boyfriend." I tell him, and I mean it sincerely. Any guy would be lucky to have her, that's for sure.

"She's pretty cool, huh?"

"Huh-huh." I answer, trying to sound cool. Like 'cool' could ever apply to me.

"Should I ask her if she wants to come to the movies tonight?"

Crap.

"Sure." I answer simply. Honestly, at this point it's clear that they like each other, and who am I to get in the way? If my best friend has a chance at happiness, I'm not going to stop him. Not just because I _don't_ have one.

It's certainly not his fault, and he doesn't deserve it. I hate it, though.

He smiles at me, and I can't help but feel guilty. This dude is my best friend, and I'm not going to jeopardize that in any way, but there is a tiny part inside of my chest that's just hoping that if she does say yes (and let's face it, she will) it won't work out. I don't even want to imagine how painful it would be, seeing them together as a couple.

"I don't think she's home yet, but I'm gonna tell her when I see her. What should we go see?"

I roll my eyes, annoyed that I get to be _that_ person in this relationship. I just hope this is the only kind of advice he's ever going to ask me. I'm willing to help if I must, but I'm positive anything more private would just make my blood boil and my head burst "I don't know Joey, maybe a romantic movie?"

He shrugs "Sure. Does she like those?"

"Yeah, apparently." I nod, as I keep eating my cereal. This is going to be a long day.

* * *

This dude's getting on my nerve right now.

I keep telling myself that it's not his fault she said yes, and I can't really blame him for trying, especially since I never told him about my feelings for her, but I just wish he'd stop talking about tonight. I can't wait for this torture to be over. I kinda wish I'd just hung out in my office longer.

"The movie starts at 8:30, so we don't have to leave before 8. It's a pretty long movie so it will most likely end pretty late, but the pizza place across the street doesn't close until 2 AM, so we could go there to hang out. I made reservations."

I try to look collected, which is not an easy task right now "That sounds great, Joe."

"You know what, I'm gonna go tell Monica to be ready at 8, I have to leave for an audition. I'll be back around 7:30, alright?" He asks, and I wonder what the tone of concern in his voice is supposed to mean. It's not like we can't spend a couple of hours apart.

As he closes the doors, I feel my shoulders and the back of my neck relaxing. I can't believe I had to pretend I was perfectly fine while he talked about his date with Monica. Who I've liked since probably the second time I met.

Or the first, if we're being honest.

I decide I better not think too much about it. What's done is done, and it's really my own fault for not making a move when I had the chance. I've been alone with her more than once and every single time I just waited for her to suddenly be interested in me. Despite the fact I've utterly humiliated myself in front of her by never managing to look…. Decent.

I take a shower and eat some fruit, too tired to actually order something or cook for myself (as if). I watch TV for a while and lose track of time, until I hear someone knock on the door.

Assuming this might be either Joey coming back _or_ Monica coming for him, I at least try to make sure I look presentable, and I'm surprised to realize I am. I'm just wearing sweats, but they are clean and smell good. My hair has also seen worse days.

Which means, of course, it's Joey.

"Dude! Why aren't you dressed yet?"

"What do you mean, I'm not dressed?" I ask, and he looks at me like I've suddenly grown a tail and donkey ears. Like I'm the one who's being weird.

"I mean, it's 7:40, and you're still in sweats!"

"So?"

"What do you mean 'so'? You need to be ready at 8:00, or we'll be late to the movies!"

I'm pretty sure my imagination is playing a trick on me, because there's no way he's suggesting what I think he's suggesting.

"Wait… I'm coming to the movies with you and Monica?"

Honestly, the look on his face is kinda comical. He looks like he can't believe what I'm asking, which is fair, considering he did ask me if I wanted to go to the movies yesterday. When he mentioned asking Monica I just assumed he'd changed his mind and would rather go with her. "Of course you're coming! What, you thought I'd just ditch you after inviting you?"

"Well… yeah. I thought you'd asked her out on a date. Wouldn't have blamed you, to be honest." I say sincerely, and I swear he's so shocked he doesn't seem to know what to say.

"You thought I was going on a date with Monica?"

"Well, aren't you the one who was wondering how come she doesn't have a boyfriend?" I ask defensively.

He shakes his head at me disapprovingly.

"You're such a dumbass."

I glare at him, but go change anyway. As I get to my room, I can feel my heart become at least a pound lighter. I'm overwhelmed with relief, as much as I don't want it to show.

I might be too awkward to make a move, and Monica might be disappointed when she finds out, but maybe Joey isn't as interested in her as I initially thought.

And that's the best news I've had in a while.

* * *

I managed to stay clean in front of her for about 45 minutes.

We're all dressed very casually, with it being just a movie and all, but she managed to look as adorable as always.

And I have a huge soda stain on my jeans.

She actually told me I looked really good when we picked her up, which I loved, but I knew it had to be short lived. It's destiny.

To be fair, it's not exactly my fault though. Some kids were running between seats during intermission, and one of them just happened to spill all of his soda on me, and now I look like I peed in my pants. There's a total of maybe 15 people in this huge viewing room, and one of them poured soda on me.

Go figure.

Monica's giggling is really cute, but it does nothing for my ego.

"I'm sorry. It doesn't look like this is coming off ." I say, mortified. It's bad enough when this happens in the building, or Central Perk, but here? It's even worse.

Joey just pats my back, while Monica gives me some tissues "They won't dry much, but they might help a bit."

I thank her and try forcefully rubbing my crotch with a Kleenex, until I notice she's hiding her face in her hands, trying to hide the fact that she's started laughing again. Realizing how ridiculous I must look, I stop and start laughing with her.

The feeling is kind of exhilarating: we're all in our movie seats, Joey is looking at us and smiling, and I can see tears of laughter in her eyes as I shove the tissue in my pocket and cross my legs so that the stain is less visible.

Honestly, at this point, I'm lucky she finds it funny, rather than thinking I'm disgusting.

The lights are off again, and the movie is back on, but after just a few minutes, Joey starts speaking.

"Guys?" He whispers.

Monica and I turn to look at him at the same time, and I ask "What?"

"I have to leave."

"What?" I repeat, a bit louder, earning a glare from the one lady sitting in front of me.

"I forgot I actually had something else planned for tonight. I just remembered now." He tells us, and it feels like he's lying, but why would he? He seemed sincerely excited for this just an hour ago!

He leaves before we can question him further, Monica's looking at him wide-eyed while he leaves, and I can't help but feel sad for her. Poor girl went out with the guy she likes, and he just left her alone with his slob roommate. That's got to suck.

"Can you believe he actually forgot about being busy until right now?" I ask her, trying to downplay the issue.

"I really, really can't." She says, and if she weren't so appalled, she'd probably be fuming with rage.

I dejectedly go back to staring at the screen in silence, until I hear her talk again.

"Chandler?"

"Yeah?"

"Was it your idea to pick a romantic movie?"

I nod "Yeah, well, you seemed to really like those when we hung out at your place."

She smiles, but keeps her eyes fixated on the screen, and looks deeply embarrassed. Her hands are splayed neatly on her thighs, and she looks as uncomfortable as I feel.

"Are you okay?" I ask, and she nods, but she doesn't look ok. I think she's feeling as humiliated as I usually do.

"I just… can't believe what Joey did."

Well, there's why.

"You know what? Just… forget about it" I say, trying to ease her mind "Let's just pretend we're at your place again, ok? It's just like watching a movie in your living room."

She looks at me playfully "By the way, I thought your favorite outfit for going to the movies was your cowboy PJs?"

I snort "Yeah, maybe I'll wear those next time. For tonight, soda pants will do."

She finally seems to relax a bit, as she leans on my shoulder "Do you still want to go to the pizza place after the movie?" She asks, biting her lip. I'd almost forgotten about the pizza place.

"Do _you_ want to go, Mon?"

"Well… we have a reservation, so we might as well." She tells me, and I suddenly feel significantly better. Maybe this evening won't be that much of a disappointment.

* * *

So… huh.. .remember when I said this would be the last chapter?

Yeah, that didn't really work out well, did it?

Honestly, the ending to this is pretty much planned out, and it is coming soon, I hope you don't mind this fic will end up being a chapter longer than intended ;)

As always, I loved the feedback I got, and I want to thank all of you. You guys are amazing, and reading your reviews is my biggest motivation to keep writing!


	6. Chapter 6

Ha! So, the bad news is, this is officially the last chapter of this story.

The good news is, this is the longest one yet! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing this whole story, it was definitely a very fun ride for me! :)

* * *

I've had the best night of my life.

I think it might be my excitement talking, and there's a chance I'll end up feeling differently about this in a couple of days, or hours even, but right now? I'm happier than I've been in a long time.

Monica seemed kind of awkward for a while after Joey left, but I think I can safely say her disappointment didn't last that long. Nothing really happened, and we only hung out casually both at the movies and at the pizza place, but I have never been that comfortable around a woman, ever. There is nothing in this world that could've managed to ruin last night for me. Not my clumsiness, or my bad jokes, or my soda pants. Not even the fact that she likes my roommate better than me.

She invited me to her place and we had some coffee (probably not the smartest idea at 2 a.m. but it's not like I was gonna refuse) and I think this evening couldn't have gone better if we'd planned it. Even if I end up being the third wheel in this little scenario, I still feel like I'm very lucky to have her in my life at all.

It wasn't even a date, and it was still the best date I've ever had. Not that I've had that many good ones, granted.

Man, I wish it had been a date.

"Dude! You're back!" Joey tells me, and honestly, I'm kinda surprised _he's_ back. He left in such a hurry, I figured the reason would be really important.

"You're back too."

He ignores my words, obviously more interested in my evening "How'd it go with Monica?"

"Pretty well." I state simply "We had a pretty good time."

He says nothing to that, yet I can't help but notice that he's smirking. There's definitely something going on with this dude.

"Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you have to leave, all of a sudden?" I ask, and I can see his eyes get wide as he starts rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

"I… had an emergency."

He's such a bad liar, I sometimes can't believe he's an actor. "What kind of emergency?"

"Well… I remembered I had a date."

Bullshit. I know he's lying, but honestly? I don't care. I certainly didn't mind spending the night alone with Monica, and I'm not going to push the issue. I just feel kind of bad for her. "Whatever, man. Don't tell me. But I do think you should apologize to Monica. "

He raises his eyebrows in surprise "For what?"

"What do you mean, for what? You ditched us!"

He shrugs "Sure, I guess I can do that. I'm sure she didn't mind, though."

"I think she did. She seemed very uncomfortable for a while, after you left" I tell him sincerely. He doesn't seem to have feelings for Monica, but if she does like him, I want her to get a fair shot at this.

He's still smirking, for some reason, but he relents "Fine. It's too late now, and I have an audition tomorrow morning, but as soon as I see her, I promise I will apologize to her."

"That's all I ask"

"So, did you just come back from the pizza place?"

I can believe many things. Joey not knowing what time the pizza place across the street closes is definitely not one of them. "Of course not, Joe. It's 3 a.m."

"Oh. I guess it is" He says coolly, as I yawn. "Were you at her place again?"

It suddenly dawns on me.

Him talking her up. Inviting us both, then suddenly having to leave. It's so crystal clear, I wonder how i didn't understand sooner.

He set us up. My most amazing non-date ever was all Joey's idea.

Sweet, wonderful, amazing Joey. I am never saying a word against you ever again.

"You didn't have a date, did you?" I swear my voice has never sounded so cheery. He seems to take notice.

"Huh, of course I did!"

"Dude, just drop it! I figured it out!" I wish I could actually manage to sound mad, or at least a little upset, but I really can't. The past few days I've been upset over the idea of Joey wanting to date Monica, while he was just trying to get her to go out with me.

I feel kind of bad for whatever Monica might feel for him, but I'm too ecstatic to worry about that _now._ I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

"Fine! I just- I wanted…"

"It's okay, Joe. I know you meant well. You probably figured out how much I like her and wanted to help. And I appreciate that man, I do! It's just… you didn't have to do that." I wish I had enough pride to say shit like this and actually mean it. You _did_ have to do that Joe, and I will forever be grateful that you did. Please, never change.

"You like her?" He asks, his smile growing bigger again.

Huh.

"Well… yeah. Of course I do. Is that not… why you did this?"

He waves his hand, trying to dismiss my words "Oh, sure! I mean… I just thought you'd be a nice couple, is all." He says, and he looks nervous again, but that sounds like a fair enough explanation, and I do feel like I owe him a lot, so I don't push it.

"Well… thanks. That was very nice of you, Joe."

"Anytime. Do you think she figured it out?"

I have honestly no idea how to answer to that. She didn't seem to _mind_ being alone with me, but that's probably because she also didn't see it as a date. She'd probably feel differently if she thought that was Joey's intention.

"I don't think so, but then again, we only hung out as friends."

"So… nothing happened?" He looks genuinely disappointed, and have I said I love him already? Because right now, I really, really do. Apparently, he really wanted this to work out.

"Not really. We just hung out at her place again after dinner. We had fun though."

He suddenly looks more relaxed as he wishes me a good night and goes into his room. I have no idea what got into him, but I gotta say I'm really fond of what he did for me. He might not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but this guy's got a huge heart for sure.

I just hope Monica sees it the same way, if she even figured it out.

XXX

At this point, it's kinda obvious. I was just washing the dishes, and a spoon got my shirt completely wet.

And then I heard someone knocking.

It's happened so many times, I'm pretty sure this is almost a cause and effect situation. It's definitely too much to be just a series of coincidences.

I open the door, not at all surprised to find Monica on the other side. I do look like crap once again, but I'm so used to it that I don't even care. Besides, she's definitely seen worse by now.

I greet her and invite her in, going back to my plates, and she smiles weakly. "Do you have a minute?" she asks, sitting on my chair.

She seems pretty beat, so I walk to the living room and sit on the armrest. It doesn't seem like good news from her face, but I try to look relaxed. The last thing I want is for her to see me upset ."Shoot."

She looks at me with such a sad face, I think I'm going to cry. This is when she tells me she never wants to see me again, right? "I'm sorry about last night."

"What?" Well, I didn't see _that_ coming at all. I can think of nothing she did wrong.

"Do- do you not see what Joey did?"

"Well… sure" I tell her, careful to not mention he all but literally had to spell it out for me. Then again… "But why are you apologizing for it? It's not your fault Joey set us up"

"It kind of is, actually." I look at her curiously, and she hides her face in her hands. "This is so embarrassing!" she adds, and I can't help but laugh. I definitely know that feeling, and this doesn't seem as serious as I originally thought, which is certainly a relief.

"What's embarrassing, Mon?"

"Okay, here goes." She looks me straight in the eyes, and she's so distressed I take her hand as a reflex "I think Joey set us up because he thinks I like you."

"Why would he think that?"

"… Because I told him."

I feel like someone just threw a bucket of ice on my back. This has to be a joke, right?

I try to come up with words, but it would seem like I'm barely breathing. There is absolutely _no way_ this is happening.

"Uh… I mean… what?"

Her eyes get wider, and she reminds me so much of Joey, I'd probably be laughing, if I weren't still trying to figure out what the hell is happening. "I'm sorry, but I think he had it all figured out anyway! I didn't expect him to trick us into a date, though."

She's looking at me and I'm sure she expects me to say something, but what am I going to say? I've been pining over this girl for more than a month, made an ass out of myself in front of her pretty much every time I've met her, and she's apologizing to me for my best friend setting us up on a date, as if I didn't contemplate kissing Joey's feet and offering to be his slave as a thank you just a few hours ago.

It's surreal.

However, it would explain why Joey was worried that she might have figured out what he did.

"I… had no idea you liked me" I finally admit. She doesn't seem to buy it, which is a shame, since I'm telling nothing but the truth.

"Of course you didn't." She says, rolling her eyes.

"Monica, I'm serious. I would've never thought you liked me!"

"Oh, come on! I was so obvious about it!"

I shake my head forcefully "You really, really weren't, trust me!"

She seems to finally believe me. "How? I asked you to come to the coffeehouse with me! And to hang around at my place, in the middle of the night! Hell, I came here to ask you to hang out with the excuse of needing _milk_ when I had two whole bottles in my fridge!"

Oh. So _that's_ what that was about. "I thought you were looking for Joey!"

She's the one to laugh this time "Why? I explicitly told you I wasn't! I was actually looking for _you_ even earlier that day, when you came in and saw us together."

This is too much to be true. This kind of thing just doesn't happen to me. Beautiful, funny, amazing girls don't just _like_ me _._ That's just not how my life goes. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why… why do you like me? How did that happen?"

She seems to be endlessly amused, and I can't tell if it's because of the question, or my reaction in general "Are you fishing for compliments?" She jokes, getting closer.

I wrap an arm around her, and she doesn't seem to mind, as she nudges my neck with her nose.

"I'm honestly not. I just… I'm a slob!"

"What?"

Oh, come on. "I've literally humiliated myself in every possible way in front of you! With blood, and sweat, and coffee, and cowboy pants, and soda pants…" I could probably go on for a while, but I'm basically rambling and she just started giggling right into my neck, and I'm somewhere in between being absolutely exhilarated and scared of this being all some twisted joke. "Why are you laughing?"

"I was just thinking about the cowboy pants."

Right. She got a real kick out of those, if I remember correctly. "Yeah… I mean… you see what I'm saying?"

"Not really. I thought they were funny, but in endearing sort of way."

"Yeah, but what about everything else? I don't think I've managed to look decent around you yet! I'm dirty _right now_!"

Oh, great. She took that as an invitation to _smell_ my shirt. It's cool, not like my head is already spinning or anything "Chandler, this is just water. It's going to dry in a few minutes. Besides, you only spilt coffee on yourself that one time because of me. And the soda pants weren't your fault either."

I know she's being… pretty fair, and I probably shouldn't be pushing my luck right now, but I'm having such a hard time believing this, I can't help it "What about the blood, or the sweat? Or the drool! We cant forget about the drool!"

"We can, you were sleeping! And I don't really consider bleeding or working out exclusive to slobs" She says. She pauses a bit, then adds "Do you want me to really freak you out?"

"Do I, ever."

"Remember when I asked you where you had gone jogging?" I nod absently, still trying to take in all of this. It's harder than I would've ever imagined "I went jogging on the same path for _days_ after that, but I never met you."

I just stare at her, because this is honestly too much. I was trying to figure out her work shifts, and she was jogging where she thought I would be. Except I wasn't, because I hardly ever run at all.

"Chandler?" Her voice snaps me out of my current state, but I'm still completely speechless. "Did I just make a huge mistake? I mean, I haven't ruined things between us, right? "

"What do you mean?"

She squirms her way out of our strange embrace, the arm I had around her suddenly feels hollow, and even though she's still really close I kind of already miss the vanilla scent of her shampoo "I mean that I don't want things to get weird between us! Just because I spilled some pretty important beans to Joey… and to you as well, that doesn't mean I feel like you have to do something about it, or feel the same way!"

This is just… she's kidding, right? "You think I don't feel the same way?"

"Well… I just told you I like you, and all _you_ told _me_ were reasons why I shouldn't."

She's right. I've been so focused on my own self-deprecation that in the end, she's told me she likes me… and I still haven't told her how I feel about her.

Gee, no wonder how I don't have a girlfriend.

Yet.

"Do you want _me_ to freak you out?"

Her smile is so big and sincere, I have a feeling there's no need to doubt what she said. No one can lie this well. "Of course I do."

"It's very much possible that while you were jogging, I was hanging out in the building, or at Central Perk, just waiting for you to come back. It's something I've done a lot these past few weeks."

"Really?"

"Yeah! For a while I was also totally freaked out that you might already have a boyfriend, and that you'd suddenly have to leave with him to elope in Yemen or something…" I say, and God knows I'm not at all making this up or joking. Her happy giggles are definitely a nice bonus, though.

"Why Yemen, of all places?"

"I don't know… it's very far, and it seemed like a very dramatic worst-case scenario?"

She presses her lips to mine and I'm so absolutely thrilled right now, I'm pretty sure I could internally combust at any given moment. She tastes like scented chapstick, her lips are even softer than I imagined and she smells amazing. It's all so perfect, and so _Monica,_ I'm not ashamed to admit I'm all kinds of overwhelmed.

She's a lot to take for my senses.

She pulls away after just a few seconds, and suddenly rests her head on my chest, basically hugging me. I hug her back, perfectly content, but cringe after a bit.

"Mon, my shirt's not still wet, is it?"

If possible, she settles even closer "It's not. I told you it'd dry soon."

Wait a minute. This means that not only have I just kissed Monica, but that I'm now also hanging out with her while perfectly clean?

"The curse is finally broken."

"What curse?"

"I'm no longer a slob!"

She lifts her head from my chest and kisses my cheek "I'm pretty sure you never were. Not really."

Bless her. "I was! You broke the spell though."

She's smiling again, and I know I am mirroring her exactly, and I don't want to jinx it but if this is the effect we have on each other, we're off to a great start.

"True Love's Kiss?"

I was actually thinking about something like 'Body Heat' but, somehow, hers makes more sense. In a fairy-tale way, at least. I can't even freak out about her implying we're true love, since we're mostly kidding, and I'm pretty positive I'm too delighted to be upset at anything right now.

"True Love's Kiss" I agree, my lips immediately on hers again.

For who could ever learn to love a slob?

* * *

So… I never really know how good a chapter is until I get some reviews for it, I guess, but I do know I enjoyed writing this one a lot, but that might be cause I was so tired of giving Chandler such a hard time ;) I really want to know what you guys think of it though.

And last but not least… I really want to thank you guys, because I hadn't written in years and the reaction to this was absolutely wonderful for me, I started this story wondering if anyone would read it and I got so much feedback for it, I just feel like I have to let you know how much I appreciated it. Also! It's just a draft right now, but I actually have something else planned, and I can't wait to share it with you :)


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